I’ve been in a very reflective mood all day and perhaps I often get into these moods because I’m working alone most of the time. I think many of us might be in the same boat when it comes to freelancing and independent folks working from home. With no one around to chit chat with, it’s easy to get lost in your own thoughts and even easier for them to go sour as well. We humans are social animals after all!
Sometimes I find myself going down a negative path and cascading into dark thoughts like a waterfall who can’t help itself. I’m an optimist at heart, but it doesn’t mean I don’t think about and subsequently get bothered by sad things. I was especially stuck today on my timid behavior when it comes to sharing my work. I’m definitely proud of what I do, no matter how small it might seem to others. I do my own little victory dance when a project is complete and I get that satisfied, happy and calming feeling.
However, sharing or rather, showcasing my work can be really difficult for me still. First, I thought about how I didn’t want to impose on those close to me, to feel obliged to compliment. They wouldn’t want to hurt my feelings and it made me think of childhood times. Parents always love what their kids create and stick it on the fridge…it’s almost praise overload sometimes. Second, I don’t expect everyone to like my style or what I do in general. Some people just don’t like cute designs or patterns or art stuff…it’s just not their thing or they don’t understand it. On my blog I seem to have less trouble, since it’s just there for those to peruse. I thought how much more becoming it would be if people just noticed your stuff and liked it rather than you having to shove it in front of their faces.
I guess that is why creative types don’t like marketing very much. It’s a lot easier probably to do it for someone else, I’m sure. It’s hard to toot your own horn, so to speak. Then I thought, hey, if I don’t jump for joy and want to shove my work in front of everyone does that mean I don’t have enough passion? Aren’t we supposed to be ecstatic to share our work and help bring people into the beautiful world of art and design?
Oh, lots of self doubt starts pouring into my mind and I knew that I’m just not confident enough. Even when I know the truth, I still get random swirls of thoughts in my mind. I’m just starting out in my creative journey and when I don’t actually make a living from it and don’t receive any recognition, sometimes it’s hard to take yourself seriously. Or at least, it’s difficult to present yourself in the same way because I feel like I haven’t earned it. Plus I don’t want to come off as snobby – I’m an artiste – type of thing! What does the word artist mean anyway? That it is your profession? That you have technical skills like artisans of the past? As someone who had just a little taste of art school, I have to say I’m still intimidated by many aspects of the art world…artist…Art with a capital A! I find it so uncomfortable to have to define and label everything.
All these excuses and thoughts…I know I have to remind myself that I can only keep doing what I enjoy and hope to find my audience and place in this big, wild world. Perhaps I don’t need to be able to define Art with a capital A or even call myself an artist if I don’t feel like it. They are just words and labels in our language anyway. If I truly connect with my work – emotions from the heart and soul – do I really need anything else to be satisfied? Well, next step is to get some other folks besides me of course! I know I still have a ways to go, but I do have control over what I think of myself and how I feel. I have the power to go do a happy dance to cheer myself up, if nothing else! Will I still be doubtful and scared sometimes? Probably…but it sure helps to have a happy dance…sigh.
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8 Comments
I can relate so much to what you have said…I had very similar feelings when I first put my work out there for the world to see. After awhile I came to realize that an artist is not a profession, it’s a state of being. It’s in your soul. Even if you never show your work to anyone, and no matter how “good” it is, as long as it comes from your heart and you love it, then you’re an artist…Keep on dancing!
xoxo
Thanks so much for your thoughts and kind encouragement! It’s nice to know I’m not alone and that there isn’t only one way of being an artist – or however you want to call it!
wow. I just finished reading your very open and candid post. I could feel you with each and every word. It’s said that, “Artist are strange people.” I don’t believe we are so strange as we feel so deeply about things. We think about things alot. I’m always thinking. If not careful I will get over into what I call, ” Self Abuse.” That’s when I become so hard on myself that no one can encourage me. I haven’t had this in a while. I think your work is beautiful. When I came over and saw all the beautiful colors they made me happy. You my sister are to hard on you. You have been given such a marvelous gift for illustration, design and color that is not to measured by what you see or don’t see in others. You are different and special and that is all that you need to think about. No, not everyone is going to like what we do, but in the year in a half that I have been doing my blog, I will say Linda, that I have had one person say something that was negative. Just one. What she said didn’t hurt me because I didn’t give her words power over me. She had a right to her opinion and though she left it on my blog, I didn’t let it stop me. The fun part was all the other bloggers saw who it was and boy did they tear into her he he he he!!! I think that you are a fantastic artist, illustrator and designer. You are doing what’s in your heart to do. Has long as you are proud of it show it off and dance while you are doing it. There are more that are for you then against you! I want to thank you for stopping by little blog to leave a comment. I wish the very, very, best! You are well on your way Linda!
V
Thanks so much for visiting my blog and commenting so wholeheartedly! I’ve always thought it was strange that most people think emotion and sensitivity are weaknesses. I can’t help but feel what I feel and thankfully through this blog I can talk about it openly, especially in regards to my journey in art and creativity. Thank you for your support! I’ll definitely keep at it and do a little dance along the way as well
I love this post! I think those thoughts of not feeling confidence and being unsure and scared never go away. I’ve been creating my line and marketing it for 5 years and I still am not sure I am doing the right thing until I sit down and start creating and feel those feelings of joy that we get as artists. Keep doing what you are doing and loving it and that’s pretty much all you need. I think the rest just falls into place if you love what you are doing.
Thank you so much for your lovely words on my blog and for help celebrate my one year blog anniversary. Before you know it we will be celebrating yours, too!
Much luck to you in all of your creative adventures!
Michelle
Thanks for the encouragement! I suppose it is good to not be totally sure of things, because then you know you are still learning, discovering and doing brand new things that scare you a bit!
I’m so glad I came across your blog via spoonflower! You not only have a gift for design/illustration but also for wonderful, touching writing as well! I too am just starting out, sharing my work and hoping it will lead to something new for me. It seems like a roller coaster ride sometimes…one day I am riding high, excited when someone likes my work and the next I am struggling with self doubt about what I am doing and where I am trying to go.
I’m adding you to my favorites so I can visit often!
Hi Gretchen! Thanks so much for stopping by my blog and commenting. I love how we can connect via the internet from so many different places…woohoo! (loving spoonflower as well) You are so kind with your words and I can totally relate to the roller coaster in this journey. As with anything, it takes time to get the hang of it all and thankfully we have each other for support! Wish you all the best!
linda