Choose Change

LTieu-Christopher

It’s difficult to admit that so much time has passed since I was officially given the job title of ‘mom.’ In the beginning months, it was extremely difficult for me to feel anywhere near ‘on top of things,’ but we all expect chaos with a newborn in the house.

Fast forward and it’s been over a year now. Unfortunately, I still feel frazzled and dazed much of the time. When I have moments to myself the feeling of overwhelm really envelops me. After duties as a caretaker then the freelance jobs… at the end of the day (which is really only like 9pm) I’m physically and  emotionally fried.

The details of my days are different than those early chaotic months and the specifics continue to change week to week with a growing boy. The point of the issue is that through it all, I’m feeling down.There’s really no other way to put it.

There’s no question that I’m honored and grateful to have a healthy, happy little boy in my life. I want this job title of ‘mom’ and bear it proudly. It’s just that I lost my own identity in the process.

I’m not only a mom - there’s so much more I want to do in life.

Suffice to say, I’ve been in incubation mode for a long time. Lots of thinking, journaling, processing. I’m optimistic that I’ll find my way, but it’s definitely a rocky road. I thank everyone for their thoughts on this subject and universally, people always offer their understanding. That’s just parenthood, right?

But I have realized that the pitiful looks and understanding have sort of held me back. I mean, it helps that others understand my position, but at the end of the day, understanding doesn’t change anything.

Ultimately, I am the only one that can really make a change in my life.

LTieu-flower

I might be dead tired, but I can still spend 5 minutes doodling and sleep with an inkling of creativity under my belt for the day. Or instead of getting reeled into Facebook or other social media ‘zone-out’ activities, I can read a novel. Or maybe I just need to nestle in the silence and calm. Stand still and really soak it in.

In a certain sense, we are always alone. It’s really up to me and me alone to make a change. There’s always a choice…

Do you let yourself slip away, just going through the motions or can you conjure up the strength to break free?

I’m going to try my hardest to choose change.

Wish me luck.

  • Melissa AuClair

    I think you are on your way; you express your heart desires well. Your body of work is lovely; I saw your very fun picture on Smart Creative Women and had to come over and see what other “girl pictures” you’ve created. Lots of fun!

    • http://www.LindaTieu.com/ Linda Tieu

      Hi Melissa! Thank you so much for your lovely comment, you made my day and I really appreciate it. Sometimes it’s hard to be objective with your own work – I often feel like I haven’t done enough!

  • Emma Talbot

    Hi Linda. I so get this! I’ve been there many a time since my daughter was born nearly 4 years ago. But it does get easier I promise. You will be able to carve out more creative or me time into your day. Slowly you will feel like the original you is coming back I promise. And the great thing is, your little boy will LOVE, LOVE, LOVE doing creative projects with you- you will be like the coolest Mum ever because you have such a great imagination. A great way for me to get some creative time into my day is plan a project with my daughter- whether it’s a huge canvas we play on or paper mache. Or I give her a canvas & I play on mine. Either way I’ve been able to create more & more art the older she gets & its something we can do together which creates a stronger bond between us. Having a child is such a major game changer that it does take time to adjust to a new way of living but it WILL happen & you won’t be lost in the process I promise. Em xox

    • http://www.LindaTieu.com/ Linda Tieu

      Thanks so much for sharing your experience, Emma! I think I might be impatient and trying to do projects with him now, but he doesn’t cooperative, perhaps a bit young as a one year old for certain things… haha! Motherhood has definitely changed so much and I still am working at integrating so many different parts of my life… thanks for the encouragement! Needed it!

  • Emma Talbot

    No problem Linda- just know that your are completely normal & every mother goes through this! It’s so easy to beat yourself about it. The best thing I did with my daughter at that age is buy a huge cheap canvas & let her go nuts on it & I drew on it too : -) Evie would only last about 15mins but thats all I needed to re-fuel myself creatively too.

    Have you seen this post:

    http://alisaburke.blogspot.co.uk/2014/04/creating-with-kid.html

    http://alisaburke.blogspot.co.uk/2013/09/creating-with-kid.html

    So great to see another Mum getting creativity into her day. NOTE her little girl ends up painting the chair & squirting water over her Mum! So you have to be relaxed about it as its the trade off to you getting some creativity in too. My Evie made such a mess! lol!

    x

    • http://www.LindaTieu.com Linda Tieu

      thank you! yes, I follow Alisa’s blog and love that she shares her experience. It’s crazy how every single day is like a different challenge with kids!

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