It’s difficult to admit that so much time has passed since I was officially given the job title of ‘mom.’ In the beginning months, it was extremely difficult for me to feel anywhere near ‘on top of things,’ but we all expect chaos with a newborn in the house.
Fast forward and it’s been over a year now. Unfortunately, I still feel frazzled and dazed much of the time. When I have moments to myself the feeling of overwhelm really envelops me. After duties as a caretaker then the freelance jobs… at the end of the day (which is really only like 9pm) I’m physically and emotionally fried.
The details of my days are different than those early chaotic months and the specifics continue to change week to week with a growing boy. The point of the issue is that through it all, I’m feeling down.There’s really no other way to put it.
There’s no question that I’m honored and grateful to have a healthy, happy little boy in my life. I want this job title of ‘mom’ and bear it proudly. It’s just that I lost my own identity in the process.
I’m not only a mom - there’s so much more I want to do in life.
Suffice to say, I’ve been in incubation mode for a long time. Lots of thinking, journaling, processing. I’m optimistic that I’ll find my way, but it’s definitely a rocky road. I thank everyone for their thoughts on this subject and universally, people always offer their understanding. That’s just parenthood, right?
But I have realized that the pitiful looks and understanding have sort of held me back. I mean, it helps that others understand my position, but at the end of the day, understanding doesn’t change anything.
Ultimately, I am the only one that can really make a change in my life.
I might be dead tired, but I can still spend 5 minutes doodling and sleep with an inkling of creativity under my belt for the day. Or instead of getting reeled into Facebook or other social media ‘zone-out’ activities, I can read a novel. Or maybe I just need to nestle in the silence and calm. Stand still and really soak it in.
In a certain sense, we are always alone. It’s really up to me and me alone to make a change. There’s always a choice…
Do you let yourself slip away, just going through the motions or can you conjure up the strength to break free?
I’m going to try my hardest to choose change.
Wish me luck.
I’ve been busy these past months with freelance design work and it seems everything else is up in the air and unfinished on my plate. It’s a bit frustrating to always have things in progress… but I suppose I simply need to hustle more. Philosophically, I thought this quote was fitting though…
Art is never finished, only abandoned.
– Leonardo da Vinci
For MATS Bootcamp I did submit a simple pattern from my drawings, digitally colored, but not sure it’s totally done.
Then there are all the drawings I’ve sketched up of characters with bright eyes… but I haven’t had a chance to color them at all.
I’ve also realized that I have a huge library of random designs that need to be used somehow, someway. Old designs from my digital scrapbooking design days, unfinished collections, the beginning of ideas, random icons here and there. I’m proud of the work I have created, but I realize that I need to package it up. Finishing seems to be the repeat critic in my head these days.
I also have a library of surface patterns, but never really did anything with those design explorations. Yet again, how to finish it already? Or at least do something with them.
There’s just so much random stuff. So I’ve decided that this month I need to revisit my own library of work and start hustle with an art business in mind. We have to always create new work, but it’s okay to leverage what you already have as well.
It’s not always about chasing the next big idea or hot trends. Sometimes the gems are already right there in front of you… just got to polish ‘em, huh?
Since I’ve clarified my goals for scrapbooking, I’ve definitely realized that I want to emphasize the photo more than anything else. When you ask other people who look at your scrapbook what really counts for them… it’s usually the photo… then the journaling that helps to reveal the story. Everything else, like pretty paper and embellishments is just nice to have.
After reading the post on A Beautiful Mess about full page photo scrapbooking, I was really inspired to go for it. Oddly enough when I pulled out my photos, I noticed that I usually always take landscape orientation, so it was actually difficult to find something to crop. So I ended up with double page of half-photos instead. Still big photo impact, so I went with it.
I resisted the urge to add other things, just because, so printed out the pages with photo, lots of white space and few words. That’s all I really wanted. But of course, I still had to add a handmade touch with some sewing and little leather embellishments that I hand-cut. It’s clean and simple, I really like it.
Slowly, but surely… I’m distilling things down to the aesthetic I really love. Definitely feels like a revival in my scrapbooking journey. Yay!
Hello April 2014!
This is the monthly blog parade link-up post that I started after taking Make Art That Sells with Lilla Rogers. The idea is to simply check-in every month to share the work we have been creating. Share your creative progress so that we can cheer each other on. Or write out your intentions to keep the momentum going. It all counts, because doing something is better than nothing at all.
Be sure to share the direct link to your blog post and not just your main blog url.
On social media feel free to use hashtag #bplinkup
Can’t wait to see what you have been up to!
Do you have go-to happy music that you turn to when you are blue? The type of songs that immediately make you feel upbeat. Playing a happy track can easily boost my mood and I desperately need help in that arena these days.
I really want to revamp my playlist and clean up my digital files… a personal project that have been triggered by a lot of deep thinking lately. My life has changed so much this past year and I’ve lost so much of myself in the process of trying to learn how to be a regular ‘ole mom (let’s not even get into how to be the best mom possible). No matter how much I try to balance things out, I feel consumed by this new role I must play. Suffice to say I feel insufficient a lot of the times.
A friend of mine suggested perhaps it’s all hormonal. That is why I feel out of sorts. I can’t be in control of everything. True dat! Today I decided to delete music from my library and keep only the happy music. I used to scour the web for up and coming indie bands because I love discovering new music. I used to have a blog specifically for music! But I’ve lost the time for that hobby and want to somehow bring music back into my daily life. I need happy music… like this…
Have any other suggestions for me?