If you follow the blog, you might have noticed me going through lots of ups and downs. I’m certainly progressing in some respects, but often feel stuck as well.

Of course, obstacles in art and life in general, help us to grow. I think challenges force us to find a way through it…so we have to learn something new, change and/or adapt to the times ultimately. I guess it’s just a way of thinking. When you come upon obstacles, think about how they can contribute to your journey as you go along. You might be facing a huge brick wall, but how can you break through, go around or climb over it to continue onward?

If you think about it in a Zen kind of way, I suppose these blocks or hurdles along the path, slow us down a bit so we can access the situation around us. Winding our way along a unique path, sometimes we might steer a bit this way or that, adjusting our course to the times. Sometimes you go a bit backward to go around a different bend. It actually makes sense and certainly doesn’t seem like such a grave situation when you step back and think of your journey in that way. You aren’t really stuck…just stopping  a moment to reflect.

I’ve been feeling a bit silly posting about my ups and downs here on the blog. I guess I’ve been worrying a bit. I mean, some might think I’m just a crazy, overdramatic or oversensitive person. Not everyone shares the same amount of information through their blogs…I just happen to share a lot of troubles as well as creative work and ideas, because when my mind is full, it helps me to write it out. There are many who blog just positive stuff and successes, when they are feeling good. No issues with that, but I find blogging about my troubles helpful to me and I hope that my little revelations – if you can call it that – help others as well. I don’t think there’s an artist out there that doesn’t admit to having fears and doubts about their work. I guess, I’m just putting it out there. I don’t claim to know it all and sort of want to show that it’s okay to be a bit up and down. To be learning still, growing still, figuring it all out still. I am still in the beginnings of my journey, maybe that is why it’s a bit rocky…but maybe it will always be this way. I don’t know yet and I shouldn’t have to worry about it. Maybe life is this way, but people just don’t point it out. Perhaps, the more experience you have, the more you are able to handle your emotions and feelings. Maybe it isn’t a big deal anymore after a while?

Pondering about my specific obstacles and fears these days, I ultimately realized that it was all in my head. All these worries are elaborate imaginary circumstances that I have created. Or perhaps my Inner Critic has created. If my art sucks then I’m not going to be recognized or sell or succeed in any way and I’m going to die a sad little undiscovered soul…boo hoo. I’m totally reminded of a high school friend who was plagued by the what if scenarios of life. And because these obstacles are imaginary they actually are difficult to resolve. How can you resolve something that isn’t real?! I had to remind myself of the passion I have in my dreams and to just do it. I often rant on about to others…just doing it…because I feel like so many great things are lost because people just don’t take action. A great idea pops up, but they don’t even try and accept failure. I suppose my gung-ho nature is really American can-do. I love that.

So the main take-away thoughts in my mind today…as I scurry along my creative journey:

  • I know that I’m not alone in my feelings. And somehow, knowing that makes me feel a bit better.
  • I know that my fears are not valid and just stuff I’ve conjured up in my mind. So obviously I can’t solve something that isn’t even a real problem.
  • I know that I have issues with uncertainty. I am still a practical person and I’ve always done things I’m sure of. So much confidence that I am sure it will work or I will succeed. Even though…I didn’t really KNOW know… anything could have happened. So it was all about confidence to get me into action, that’s all. There was really no certainty. It was confidence to just do.
  • I have failed before and it certainly didn’t feel good. But I’m okay now and I can actually note how those failures turned into a different success or opportunity. Concrete examples. So…failure is actually productive – imagine that?! I have to remind myself of those good things, because we often only remember the horrible tragic failure parts…silly Inner Critic! Just shut up!
  • So when I think of my mega fears the possible worst outcomes…it doesn’t seem so freaky anymore.
  • Instead I think of best outcomes and that is certainly motivation.
  • Fears are not valid obstacles because they are just that…fears…not real stuff. Made-up stuff.
  • It takes a bit of pep talk to get through it all, so find yourself support. Everyone needs motivation and everyone needs a little bit of cheering up at times.

I guess that writing on my blog is a bit of support for myself. Getting it out there. Thanks.


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