by Linda | Jun 18, 2011 | my creative journal
Although I’m really enjoying reading through The Artist’s Way, I must admit first that my mind has been occupied by other projects as well. But I’m determined to stick to the weekly chapter habit. This seventh chapter is about practicing the right attitudes for creativity and connecting to your dreams.
I feel as if I’ve been doing that exact thing all my life. Dreaming, imagining, trying – over and over again. There are huge topics in this chapter… big emotional ones that all creatives have faced and battled with I’m sure.
Listening
Right at the beginning of this chapter, I was struck by the quote, “Art is not about thinking something up. It is about the opposite – getting something down.” It’s so true for me personally that most of my inspirations and ideas come when I’m doing something else. The real sparks occur during other activities…when a connection is somehow made or something just comes to me…I think we all know that magical feeling. Of course, the chapter goes on about how you might begin with a plan but then you have to surrender to however it goes. And perhaps, that is the part I am still working on.
I constantly talk about trying to do more loose work, because I have something in mind and I want to make it happen. If it doesn’t come out as I thought, I feel a bit defeated. Was it because I lack the skill to execute or was it a bad idea? I’ve been working to change my attitude, to go with the flow and if it turns out nicely, yippee! If not…to just let it go. But of course, easier said than done. There are certainly times when I feel so unsure and have no idea what to do next. I’m not sure if I always hear my own creative voice or if I’m letting it come out fully.
Although I would love to believe in much of the “genius” talk mentioned by Cameron…the belief that we are simply an instrument through which the creative genius speaks through…I don’t feel comfortable with it. I don’t like to believe that it’s all mystery and hocus pocus stuff. I really value having to work at things and meriting through effort. Not to say you have to suffer through it, but it’s something that has been ingrained in me. I want to earn my success and know that I did it…that I earned it. Is it just crazy ego talk? I know that it seems like a higher power is working through us at times though, so I guess I stand somewhere in between. Reminds me of the Law of Attraction discussions.
Perfectionism
Certainly something that we all battle with, even though we know nothing is perfect. I have already been thinking about embracing imperfection and I think I’m successful to a certain level and with certain things. When unsuccessful, I am certainly trapped in the loop of redoing, reworking, trashing, restarting…all the time…judging my results even before finishing. Cameron certainly nails the description of a perfectionist. I find it to be an internal battle…perhaps a constant battle that I will be fighting all the time.
Risk
My take away from this section was the point about anything worth doing might even be worth doing badly. Cameron encourages us to take risks…and if we didn’t have to worry about being perfect…what would we do?
Jealousy
Huge topic and I’ve always tried to turn jealousy into energy that drives me forward to be better. So then I wouldn’t be jealous anymore. Again, easier said than done…but much of life is about changing your attitude and directing yourself a bit. I agree that jealousy is like a map of sorts…the emotion is trying to tell you what you want perhaps. What you should be working towards. In this way of thinking, jealousy can be a useful indicator. So the exercise that Cameron proposes really does help to convert jealousy into positive actionable remedies.
The rest of the exercises in this chapter did make me feel a bit like under therapy or psychology of sorts…although I don’t even know what that would be like…it’s all a stereotype for me! Lots of questions are posed, so you can start digging into your past and dreams. In the end, I definitely discovered some tidbits of info about myself although largely, I am focused about my dreams, goals and wants. I certainly don’t lack the balance of inspiration, down-time and work-time…so I’ve really been in the mode of doing. But I also feel there isn’t enough time…I suppose that is just the way it is!
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by Linda | Jun 12, 2011 | my creative journal
Reading onward in The Artist’s Way (here’s a link to the copy I bought on Amazon) and this chapter started with talk about the Great Creator and it’s still a bit uncomfortable for me. I tend to be so practical and it is precisely some of those thoughts that might be getting me bogged down. I can’t always let go and believe in something higher. It’s all about work work work and deserving it, making your way.
Which leads into the next section about allowing yourself creative pleasures. It is true that we often blame certain difficulties on lack of money, but Cameron writes that it’s not actually the money. It is the feeling of constriction or sense of powerlessness. Makes a lot of sense and I suppose that is why many a wise person has said that you have to make do…
We are asked to think about what truly gives us joy and giving ourselves small gifts so larger gifts can come as well. In a way, I started to think about gratitude and the little things that can make us feel so happy and experience the abundance of life. The section about how things seem silly or crazy and that thought prevents us from doing that very thing we might need. It’s so true…we let preconceived notions and thoughts stop us from exploring so many things…like our inner creatives trying to break out, but we just shush it because it’s silly…
The goal for the week was to record our actual spending of money, to see if what we value matches with how we spend our money. I have to say I do pretty well in that arena since it’s pretty much all on books, art supplies, classes and going out with the hubby, besides necessities. I guess I don’t really have a problem enjoying myself 🙂
The takeaway for me was more internal, about letting myself do crazy things or spend a little money on something I intuitively want…even if it might not make sense or seem silly. It’s about nurturing ourselves a bit…of course, hopefully not overboard! Ugh, there I go again…
But it’s ultimately to get down to the root of how we feel about …but ultimately it’s about tackling our ideas around money and creative abundance. Huge topics to face.
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by Linda | Jun 6, 2011 | my creative journal
Last week I fell behind due to holidays in Italy, it was a long weekend with the family. The days passed by slowly and quickly in turn and I didn’t manage to blog about anything. But my mind was running full speed (as always). I enjoyed reading time during rainstorms and I’ve continued on my journey of reading The Artist’s Way (here’s a link to the copy I bought on Amazon). In fact, I read two chapters!
The fourth week of the journey is about recovering a sense of integrity. Although I see how morning pages can be useful, I definitely didn’t keep to the routine over vacation days. Sometimes, I don’t really feel the need. Although my experience has not been earth shattering per say… or a complete revolution, I’m certainly gaining tidbits of good information and a lot more understanding of my creative self in reading this book. This fourth chapter actually addresses the fact that for some it might not be a dramatic process for everyone – or we might not be able to see the change because we are in the trenches. Oddly enough, I’ve only been able to think about these headaches I’ve been getting every so often… sort of aching in the back of my head. Maybe I’m thinking too much!
The chapter also issues a challenge to not read for a week. Haha! I decided to change it up and try not surfing the internet and reading online, as opposed to traditional books. I really enjoy seeing what others do and reading blogs, but I also know it’s a huge time suck in my schedule. I can’t help it!
So this will be something I tackle for myself… to not overwhelm my senses. Of course, I have definitely learned to relax and just hang around outside playing with my puppy, so again, nothing dramatically changing for me. More awareness I suppose and tidying up of my habits and routines.
Since I didn’t feel so moved or needing of the time for the chapter, I decided to keep reading to the next one about recovering a sense of possibility. I know, I’m totally cheating, eh? This flexibility is why I like self-paced courses 🙂
Chapter Five is about limits. It was quite interesting because I’ve always been a dreamer and cheerleader type. It doesn’t mean that I’ve been able to always follow through with projects, but I’ll always be the first to say “why not?!” I really love this part of my personality… the crazy American dream factor, I like to say. Possibility is there.
The section about finding the river seems to be like going with the flow, another thing I like to say. I suppose in my mind, there are many affirmations and motivations already floating around. I love quotes and clever sayings… it’s something that has always been around for me. So I guess even though I have doubts and worries, criticizing myself in many ways… I have equally the other set of motivations to sort of balance things out. I suppose, I had never thought or realized that… but I truly feel that way. Makes me feel quite content.
The section that was the most interesting was about the Virtue trap. Basically that we seem to be totally okay on the outside and thinking of others, doing things to be unselfish. Even though we just want to be left alone. I often feel this way and it makes me feel very guilty. I want to spend time with family, but at the same time, I need solitude and quiet freedom to act upon my crazy ideas and musings. But it is a struggle.
I am always in awe of how parents are able to do anything at all!? I find it hard to just see my puppy sitting there, waiting for me to play with him. It is really hard to ensure that you are fulfilled because we don’t want to be selfish. We have been told and taught since childhood to share and not be selfish. Giving of yourself seems so virtuous. This is something I struggle with and not sure how to resolve it. I want it all! (Queen song comes to mind)
Something I do love about this chapter are all the dream and wish exercises. Lots of list making for me, because I find that the easier way to get things down in a more concise manner, rather than writing like I talk ala morning pages and these blogs I think HAHA! I’m thinking it would be good to turn all these lists into a journal of sorts. Sometimes I don’t like to write down wishes, because they might not come true and it saddens me to see the evidence…silly, right? Perhaps the courage to write it out is the first step to realizing your wishes…
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by Linda | May 28, 2011 | my creative journal
I’m at the third chapter of The Artist’s Way (here’s a link to the copy I bought on Amazon)
and I am already flailing a bit on morning pages. Sometimes I totally forget until later in the day. I suppose that I don’t pick up long-term habits so easily. However, I do think the stream of consciousness writing is helpful. In fact, I’ve always done it in the past… but usually only in times of need. Making it a practice means that you can always sound off and get things off your chest. I like that aspect of it.
There were many moments of nodding my head during the reading of this chapter. The feelings we go through, the ups and downs and struggles as a creative. I could definitely relate and it was nice to hear someone experienced talk about it and offer some advice. I suppose, it’s like having a mentor of sorts… the sharing of knowledge from experiences… only this is a book…LOL!
There was a particular section that struck me. The section about shame.
I never really thought that I might be blocked by shame, but I certainly face that “not good enough” or “not a big enough achievement” feeling at times. I am hard on myself and ever since I was a kid… I’ve always found it hard to accept compliments and praise.
Somehow I didn’t know that you can just accept it and simply say thank you and be happy. It doesn’t come naturally to me. I would always discount myself or note my doubts or brush it off as nothing – oh, no big deal. Why would I feel all weird about praise? I started thinking about it and… sort of all frustrated me. People have issues dealing with criticism… and here I am pushing away nice people who like my work?!
Well, I think I’ve since learned to say thank you and feel proud of my work. To accept what is given to me, not feel like I might not deserve the attention. Sometimes we have to psych ourselves up…we ARE worthy. I’ve come a long way since way back in my childhood days, so I’m happy about that. Perhaps it is something that comes with time, intertwined with self-esteem and confidence.
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by Linda | May 21, 2011 | my creative journal
This past week, I continued my way reading through chapter 2 of The Artist’s Way (link to copy I bought from Amazon), all about recovering a sense of identity. I must admit that I found it harder to be moved by this particular chapter.
I had to re-read the whole thing because I sort of flew past it and didn’t get much out of it. Maybe I just don’t need much recovery in this department? I don’t have crazymakers in my life and the more I thought about it…the more I realized and felt grateful for the fact that I don’t have drama.
I know many folks who have a tragic story behind them, perhaps even a pivotal part of their journey to creative freedom and all that. It makes for a great story, but I don’t think you need that to happen to be a great artist or a successful person.
At times, I think people create drama for themselves to get that story. I think we all naturally have issues, darknesses, ups and downs…certainly some are decidedly more serious than others, but I don’t think you have to make it “your thing.” Not sure how to explain it, but that you don’t have to be defined by whatever circumstances you are in. Honestly, I don’t have anything to complain about or woe over because I choose not to ultimately. I look towards all the wonderful things and that makes me a much happier person and makes life way more cool…
Perhaps I have just gotten over everything, so I don’t have the patience for unnecessary drama in my life. I feel as if I have learned to live the slow life and enjoy even the little things…after coming to live here in Italy. The culture here is definitely about having a good time…or just making the best of your time here…eating well, being with family. All that good ‘ole charming homey family goodness. But since I come from a society of work, work, work and a family past of great struggles, I certainly understand what it means to work your butt off and still not have “enough.” I feel like I can jump from one to the other without drama…work hard, play hard.
I suppose part of this creative path has already been well walked upon in my case. I trust in my creativity and am growing more confident with each step. I love to follow my sparks of inspiration and have no problems when it fizzles out or turns into a failure. It happens!
I have a great support system around me that keeps me going and moving forward. I have grand plans and am definitely making progress, although I still stop and smell the flowers – often! I want to enjoy this walk of life, after all. It doesn’t have to be a painful, struggling experience and I believe it does NOT have to be so…if you choose not to live it that way.
Of course, let me backtrack a bit and note that I’m still learning so much, changing constantly and sort of growing up all the time.
I think we can never just be…in the sense of being perfect or being “there” wherever there is…because life is ever changing and we are ever evolving with it. So this week, I haven’t really changed much from this chapter of the book, but I did continue my morning pages. I missed one day and realized that perhaps I didn’t need it. I think also that sometimes doodling a bit can be as meditative as morning pages. Whatever or however we might choose to express ourselves or get things out of our minds. I’m starting to think maybe you don’t have to do it daily – yeah, I’m getting impatient already! I suppose it might be because I’m still riding off the energy from yesterday. I am so proud of myself and I guess it was a big boost of confidence and sense of self. Maybe it really does all connect after all with this week…whatever the case…I’m definitely moving forward and skipping along happily 🙂
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