I was surprised to look back at the date of my first creative business 101 post on this blog… almost a year ago. The unfortunate feeling though, is that I’m not very far from my original struggles. I’m still working to license my art, however I’ve actually added on some other ventures as well. Reading through the comments from people made me feel like I failed them all. It’s obvious my attempts to focus are futile. I can’t help but want to do more. The problem is that diverting my efforts causes chaos in my brain…and scarce results in real life. Taking on more than I was planning to, gave me an automatic excuse to fail as well.

I could go into a deep analysis of what this all means and how my actions are probably unconscious attempts to sabotage myself. Perhaps because I don’t really want what I think I want? It doesn’t really matter  though. The obvious solution is to just concentrate on doing one thing and get some damn results – or some definitive answer with measurable proof. But I don’t have the willpower to focus in that way. I often get distracted by a new shiny idea, derailing my own plans.

I’ve been thinking a long time about my struggles and I just need to suck it up already. I know it must be weird to be pep talking myself on the blog… but here I am typing this. I’m tired of not being able to do it. I want it all. So I’ve decided to swing to the other side of chaos. I will do it all…yes, call me crazy now and try to send me virtual shaking-you-with-2-hands vibes.

This might very well be the beginning of another failed experiment. Oh well. I’m going for it anyway. One aspect that has really helped me, is accountability and regular check-ins. So I’m going to be posting weekly and spilling my guts on how things are going. How I’ve been successful or how I’ve failed and fallen flat on my face. It will be my own fault, no matter what lame excuses I come up with. I hope these blog posts will not be used to analyze my psychological state in the future… hehe…

So why the sudden push? I suppose everyone hits a point where they need to make change. And often, change works the best when done in an epic manner…some kind of great gesture is needed. It helps with momentum anyway. Plus, I’m finishing up a project this week and should have no excuses to not be carrying out my creative business plans. So there.

As I mentioned previously, doing it all means that I have plans for about 3 people. I’m going to attempt to do them all as 1 person. I don’t really think I’m super human, but at the same time I also don’t think it’s impossible. So there. (I have no idea why I’m typing frantically, as if needing to answer back to a bully…maybe the fear inside of me is the bully I’m speaking to.)

And now, I just have to muster up the courage to publish this post. Wish me luck.